Quit eating

A man goes to the doctor and the doctor breaks it to him that if he does not quit eating so much he is going to be dead with in a year.
The doctor orders him to go home and think of possible solutions to this problem and come back when he thinks he has solution to this.
The man goes home and thinks for a couple of days and head back to the doctor.
The doctor asks the man what he is going to do to prolong his life.
The man responds with….. I am not going to change anything to make me live longer.
The doctor responds with why did you come back then?
The man responds with well I just decided to get married so this year seems like ten years.

Big chief, no Fart

The servant of the cheif goes to the doctor and says “Big chief,no fart”
then the doctor gives a bouny ball sized pill.
The servant comes back and says “Big chief ,no fart”
so the doctor gave him a tennis ball sized pill.
The servant comes back and says “Big chief ,no fart”
the doctor gives a football sized pill
and the servant comes back and says! Big fart,no chief!”

An American, An Indian and an english man

An American, An Indian and an english man are in the hospital waiting room together, all three of their wives about to give birth.
When the doctor comes out and says “I’m terribly sorry, but we’ve had a mix up and we don’t know which baby is which.”.
As this is a joke, rather than immediately contacting their lawyers, they agreed amongst themselves that they’d go and see if they could tell, if they felt a special connection to one, for example.
The Englishman entered the room first, as is his right, and was in there for 15 minutes, before emerging with what was, for various reasons, clearly the Indian man’s son.
The Indian pointed this out immediately and the Englishman replied “I know, but one of the others is American and I’m not taking the risk”.

ThanksGiving Day Riddles and One Liners

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want?
A: It simply wants to run away.

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I’m stuffed!

Q: What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?
A: Fangs-giving.

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!

Q: How do Rednecks celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: Pump kin!

Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.

Thanksgiving Turkey Song

Thanksgiving Turkey Song
O turkey dear
O turkey dear
How lovely are thy feathers!

O turkey dear
O turkey dear
There could be nothing better!

We celebrate Thanksgiving Day
By putting your carcass on display.
O turkey dear
O turkey dear
You thought we were friends who came to greet you.

O turkey dear
O turkey dear
We gathered here to eat you!

O turkey day
O turkey day
The family is all together

O turkey day
O turkey day
We’ve over come bad weather

Seeing the family is so fab
We’ll see ya’ll again in rehab.

O turkey day
O turkey day
We’ll drink away your memory.

Thanksgiving meal

Young Michael was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
‘What are you doing?’ Michael enquired.
‘Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,’ his grandmother replied.
‘Wow, that’s cool.’ Michael remarked.
‘Are you going to hang it next to the deer?’