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Birthday Suit


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Birthday Suit

A wife was beginning to worry about her and her husbands non-existent physical relation life.

So one afternoon the woman decided to ask her friend for some advice on how to put the spark back into her marriage.
Her friend gave her some advice that always worked with her own husband.

She told the woman that every day before her husband was due back home from work, she puts on her birthday suit and waits at the top of the stairs for him to arrive.
when he does, he sees her and cannot resist her and they have wild passionate love.

The woman ran home and immediately, put on her birthday suit and waited at the top of the stairs for her husband.

Within time her husband arrived through the door, looked at her and said “what on earth are you doing?”
The wife replied “It’s my birthday suit, don’t you like it?”

The husband responded “you could have ironed it first”

(A birthday suit is what one is wearing when born — nothing :)  )

posted in Adult Jokes, Birthday Jokes |

While doing a vasectomy

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an ONION.

Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.

“How’s your physical relation with wife?” the doctor asked.

“Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s relief.
But then he added, “I’ve had some strange side effects.”

“What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously.

“Well, every time I piss, my eyes water.
When my wife gives me a blo * w job, she gets heartburn.
And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!”

posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes |

A Jewish boy with his girlfriend

A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.

As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet.

“What’s this, “she asked.

“Taste it,” he replied, “If you like it, I’ll give you a whole one!”

posted in Adult Jokes, Naughty Jokes |


A guy out on the golf course

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.

He says, “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way.”

The doctor said , “I’ll have to put your pe *nis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.”

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of brea @sts. This was the first time he saw them.

She says, “You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these brea @sts.”

He whips down his pants and says…
” Look at this, it’s still in the CRATE!”

posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes, Doctor Jokes |

Visiting his wife in hospital

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.
On this visit he decides to rub her left bre @ast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right bre @ast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right bre @ast and this brings a
moan from her.

The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral s@ex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn’t want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.

The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies: “She choked.”

posted in Adult Jokes, Idiots Jokes |

Hunter creeps through the forest

A hunter creeps through the forest. He eventually spots a black bear in a clearing. Carefully he takes aim and shoots the bear. He is congratulating himself when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Turning around, he sees a massive brown bear behind him. “That was a terrible thing you did,” says the brown bear, “and now you must pay the price. I will either rip you apart or rape you in the butt. Your choice.” The hunter thinks for a moment, then drops his pants and bends over.

An hour later, the hunter staggers from the forest and limps to the hospital. The next day he hobbles home, thinking only of revenge on the bear. Soon he is back in the forest, stalking the bear. He eventually sees it by a river, and quickly he shoots it dead.

“Yes!” yells the hunter as he feels the thrill of revenge. But then, without warning, he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around slowly, he sees a gargantuan grizzly bear behind him.

“You have done a terrible thing,” intones the bear in a deep voice, “now you have a choice: either I maul you to death, or I rape you in the butt.” Shuddering, the hunter drops his pants and bends over.

Three hours later, the hunter crawls from the forest. He is released from the hospital after a week of anal surgeries to fix his colon. He thought of nothing but revenge on the grizzly bear during the ordeal. Now, he is back in the woods, looking for the grizzly.

He spots it catching salmon, and shoots it down from the forest. “Haha!” yells the hunter, jumping up and down. But then he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Quickly the hunter spins around, unable to believe what is happening. “No!” he screams in disbelief, for there is a gigantic polar bear right behind him. “Hey buddy,” says the polar bear, “I’m starting to think you don’t come here for the hunting.”

posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes, Funny Jokes |