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Teacher and Boy

A first-grade teacher, Ms Rita (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. what is your problem?”
Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Rita had enough. She took Boy. to the principal’s office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Rita he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Boy.: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Boy.: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Rita and tells her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms Rita says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy both agreed.

Ms Rita asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment “Legs.”

Ms Nee lam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy.: “Pockets.”

Ms Rita: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Ms Rita: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Rita: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Rita: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Rita: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Ms Rita: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Rita: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Ms Rita: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Rita: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Rita: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Ms Rita: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Ms Rita: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
“Send this Boy to IIM, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

posted in Adult Jokes, Naughty Jokes, Puns Jokes |

Best toast

A good Irishman, Peter Desouza, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and decided to have a contest regarding who could make the best toast.

Peter Desouza hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, what was your toast?”

Peter said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, Peter!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of Peter’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “Peter won the prize the other night with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he’s only been there twice! Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”

posted in Adult Jokes, Bar Jokes, Humor Jokes, Husband Wife Jokes, Irish Jokes |


Which one to marry

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, “I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.” The third one takes the $5000 and invests it

in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.”

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money.

Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest br**sts.

posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes, Funny Jokes |

Nude Beach

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had b**bs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

The mother told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber that person is.”

Satisfied with the answer, the boy left to play in the ocean, but returned to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “pee-pees” than his dad.

His mother explained, “The bigger they are the dumber that person is.”

Again, satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again, promptly informing his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!”

posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes, Husband Wife Jokes, Parents Jokes |

Old swimming trunks

Brad, a local beach goer, couldn’t even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.

“Dude, it’s obvious,” said the lifeguard. “You’re wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You’ll have all the babes you can handle.”

The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it’s not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.

“For cryin’ out loud,” said Brad, “it’s worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What’s wrong now?”

“Jeez, Brad!” said the lifeguard, “The potato goes in front!”

posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes, Comedy Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Embarrassing Stories |