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I eat apples


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I eat apples

Patient: Doctor, you’ve gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the potty.

I eat bananas, bananas come out, I eat noodles, noodles come out.” What should I do?

Doctor: You eat potty!

posted in Dirty Jokes, Doctor Jokes |

Bad stomach complaint

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage.

The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind.

The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth.

Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine.

Suddenly the man screams in disgust.

“What’s the matter?” asked his wife. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders.”

posted in Dirty Jokes, Doctor Jokes |

On the brink of divorce

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counselor.

The counselor asks the wife, “What’s the problem?”
She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ej….”

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”

The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”

posted in Dirty Jokes |


Set up a new password

A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
The husband, “Put ‘MYPE@NIS’ ” and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error,
“Error. Not long enough.”

posted in Dirty Jokes, Husband Wife Jokes, Short Jokes |

Families pet rooster dead

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

posted in Dirty Jokes, Kids Jokes |

A cruise on the Pacific

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Jim, Tom and Susie.

They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what’s natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual se @x all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having se @x with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.

It was tragic, but Jim and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Jim and Tom’s resistance to nature’s urgings waned, and the inevitable happened. Well, a couple more years went by and Jim and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.

So, they buried Susie.

posted in Adult Jokes, Dirty Jokes |