Guessing game

Little Johnny’s teacher got up in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing game!
The teacher said, ”I have something behind my back. It’s red in color and round. It’s soft, but it’s hard.”
Johnny raised his hand and said, ”I know, it’s a red rubber ball.” The teacher said, ”No Johnny, it’s an apple, but I like the way that you think.”
The teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. ”I have something behind my back. It’s orange in color and round. It’s soft, but it’s hard,” said Johnny’s teacher.
Johnny raised his hand again and said, ”Teacher teacher, I know, it’s an orange rubber ball.” The teacher looked at Johnny and said, ”No Johnny, it’s an orange, but I like the way that you think.”
Johnny was now getting the hang of it so he asked the teacher if he could try one.
Johnny grabbed an object and put it behind his back and said, ”I have something behind my back. It’s pink in color and it’s loooong. It’s soft, but it’s haaaard.”
The teacher, getting upset, yelled at Johnny, ”Now Johnny, I’m going to have to tell the principal about this perverted behavior.” Johnny stopped her and said, ”But, teacher, all I have is my pink eraser – but I like the way you think!”

Example of a tragedy

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Bush, “that would be an accident.”
A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” the President said. “That’s what we would call a Great Loss.”
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”
“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” asked the President.
“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”

Little Johnny was sitting in class

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?” “None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.” “Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”

Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”

“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”

“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”

Little Johnny with his father

One day little Johnny is outside with his father.

He claps his hands together and said “Daddy, I killed a butterfly.”
His father replied “Don’t do that, butterflies are our friends. No butter for a week.”

A little while later little Johnny was playing and he clapped his hands and said “Daddy, daddy, I killed a honeybee!”
Her father said, “Don’t do that, honeybees are our friends. No honey for a week.”

Later on that day little Johnny and his father were in the kitchen.
Little Johnny’s mother joined them.
The mother stamped her foot and said, “I killed a cockroach.”

Then little Johnny said to his father, “Should I tell her or do you want to?”

Johnny and his exciting stories

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother the story excitedly.


Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…”

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, “then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”