A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.
As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet.
“What’s this, “she asked.
“Taste it,” he replied, “If you like it, I’ll give you a whole one!”
posted in Adult Jokes, Naughty Jokes |
In a city park stood two beautiful statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many, many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.” And with that command, the statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?”
The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?”
Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But this time you hold down the pigeon and I’ll crap on its head!”
posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Cute Jokes, Naughty Jokes |
An elderly Florida couple, Sam and Bessie, are holidaying in Las Vegas. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, Sam buys them, and wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly.
He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”
Bessie looks him over, “Nope.”
Sam says excitedly, “Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?”
Bessie looks again, “Nope.”
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different now?” Bessie looks up and says, “Sam, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Sam yells, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Bessie? It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!”
To which Bessie replies, “Should have bought a hat, Sam. Should have bought a hat.”
posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Adult Jokes, Couple Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Funny Jokes, Holidays Jokes, Humor Jokes, Husband Wife Jokes, Naughty Jokes |
A man was invited to a friend’s home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, etc. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy shrugged, lowered his voice and said, “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”
posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Comedy Jokes, Cute Jokes, Funny Jokes, Husband Wife Jokes, Naughty Jokes |
Woman 1 turns to woman 2 and says, “Susan! You’re here too? How’d you die?”
Susan: “Beverly! Yep, I’m dead. I froze to death.”
Beverly: “That sounds horrible…”
Susan: “No, actually it’s quite peaceful. Once you get past the cold, you just fall asleep and die. What about you? How’d you die?
Beverly: “Oh, I had a heart attack.”
Susan: “Really? What happened?”
Beverly: “I was certain my husband was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But when I got home, I
found him in the den, watching TV.”
Beverly: “I was so sure there was another woman, I ran around the house frantically searching. I checked the attic, the basement, under all the beds, in all the closets. Eventually, I just keeled over and died from a massive heart attack.”
Susan: “Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer. We’d both still be alive.”
posted in Comedy Jokes, Naughty Jokes |
An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he replies. “I’ve got an 18-year-old bride Who’s pregnant and having my child!
What do you think about that?”
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story.
I know a guy Who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his wife’s umbrella instead of his gun.”
“So he’s in the woods,” the doctor continues, “and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up the umbrella, by reflex I suppose, points it at the bear, and a shot is heard. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest.”
“That’s impossible!”, says the old man, “Someone else must have shot that bear,”
The doctor walks the old man to the exit door, shakes his hand, and says, “Exactly.”
posted in 100 Top Funny Jokes, Naughty Jokes, Puns Jokes |