Top 10 One liner Jokes

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…
does that mean that one enjoys it?

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”

Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

A bus station

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..


Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.


Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

Politicians and diapers

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.


If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,
try missing a couple of payments.


Better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.

One liner on marriage

One liner on marriage :-
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
–Henny Youngman

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
–Ann Bancroft

Any husband who says, “My wife and I are completely equal partners,” is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
–Bill Cosby

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards
–Benjamin Franklin

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
–Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
–Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
–Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
–George Burns

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. –Cindy Garner

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. –Elaine Boosler

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,”There was water in the carburetor.” I said, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In the lake.”
–Henny Youngman

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
–Rita Rudner

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. –Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. –Erma Bombeck